Loving Rebuke

Proverbs 27:5-6 Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

This piece of advice is one that some may find difficult to follow; especially for those of us who do not like confrontation. However, it is the one action that will demonstrate how much we love, and care for, a friend(s). The best guidelines I can give for approaching a friend about a matter that is difficult to address is to first make sure that you go to the person one on one, and not gossip to others about it (being open does not mean telling a fault for others to hear; Matthew 18). Next, we should be careful to speak the truth, in love, and humility (not being mean spirited, demeaning, and checking ourselves first for our own faults; Ephesians 4, and Galatians 6). A true friend will be honest about a situation or matter that could end up being harmful or unprofitable. Too often we are afraid to speak up because the person may get offended. However, I often find that a person is more offended, and hurt, when we say nothing, and may see our lack of honesty, and willingness to say something, as a sign that we really are not a friend, and do not really care. Stop, and think for a moment. If you saw your enemy heading down a path that was harmful to them, would you stop them, and attempt to turn them around? Well, if we are honest with ourselves, the answer is no. Why? Because it would be the best way to get at them, and see them destroyed. When we fail to lovingly, and privately, confront a friend about a matter that could harm them or a loved one, that is exactly what we are doing by allowing them to continue down a destructive path. A real friend is just that, real. We ought to always look out for, and desire the best for, our friend(s). That means that we must be willing to do the hard stuff, and not just the fun stuff. By the way, we must also be willing to hear, and receive, loving rebuke from our friend(s), and realize that if we have a friend(s) that is willing to be honest with us, even if it hurts our feelings or injures our pride, we have a great friend(s). Bottom line is that we must be willing to be the friend that lovingly confronts, AND the friend that is confronted. Oh yes, and as born again believers, the best way to confront one another, in love, is to confront one another with God's truth (not our own truth or preference). Better to be rebuked by a true friend, than to be kissed on the cheek by a Judas.