God’s Approach to Conflict Resolution (Part 2)

Verse of the day: Matthew 18:16-17 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ ¹⁷ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

So our brother/sister sins and offends us and we lovingly confront them after stopping to prayerfully examine ourselves and approach them with humility (Gal 6:1-5). How do we respond if they are not receptive to our willingness to forgive and reconcile the relationship? They continue to sin with no remorse and refuse to acknowledge the injury they have caused by their words or actions. The Lord instructs us to then bring one or two others into the situation; not for the purpose of proving that we were right in the quarrel; and not just to get someone to be on our side so the we can feel better about our misguided sense of piety; as the case may be that the other person did not actually sin, but offended us because they are not living by our convictions. Remember, this is the approach taken when someone sins against us, not when someone violates our preferences. In finding the one or two people to bring with us, we must use wisdom. We should be sharing the situation with no one but those that we are bringing with us, and in that case keep to the facts and not to what our opinion is of the situation. We must be careful that in wanting to bring someone to the table that is “on our side” we do not end up turning this into a gossip session about what the brother/sister did in sinning against us (for in that case we would be the ones sinning). The whole idea is not about being vindicated for what was done to us; instead, it should really be about the testimony of Christ, the church’s reputation before the unsaved, and the well-being of our brother/sister. What I am saying is that our goal should be to win them back so that they are walking with the Lord and not shaming the Name of Jesus. For this reason we must find someone to come with us who will be impartial, wise, and will have a desire to truly seek reconciliation for our fellow brother/sister, and not make matters worse by their wrong attitude or mean-spirited approach. If possible, find someone who also knows the brother/sister and wants the best for that person; someone who has some kind of influence over them (that they respect) or influence within the church. Regardless of how the person reacts to us or the person/people we bring to the table, we are to represent Jesus, in our approach, with humility and honor. If the person responds with anger because their pride has been hurt (even though they may have caused the initial conflict by sinning against us), we are not in any way justified in responding in the same manner. We are to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry (Jm 1:19). We are not to respond in like manner, but continue to be kind and refuse to return evil for evil (Rm 12:16-18). If the person is yet resistant, then we are told to bring it before the church. The church can either be the body of believers or the leadership of the church, pastors, elders and deacons. Once that has been done, and the person still refuses to make things right or turn from their sinful ways, then we are to treat them as if they are non-believers. What does that mean? Well, how are we called to treat those that are outside of the church, the unbelievers? We are to treat them with kindness, love, and with a desire to bring them into a relationship with Jesus. In this case, we are not to participate in worship with this person, but regard them as someone who is not a fellow believer, but still be ready to treat them in the same manner Christ would treat them. In 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, the Apostle Paul is clear that we are to put away from us those that claim to be Christians but behave like the world, which have no regard for Christ or the defilement of the church. We must balance those instructions with these given by Jesus Himself. In other words, we may excommunicate a brother/sister from fellowship with the local church, but we must always be ready to love them, be kind to them, and treat them with gentleness as we would treat an unsaved person. It is by this demonstration of godly behavior and Christ’s love that we may win them back into fellowship. The Word of God is very clear that the wrath of man does nothing to promote the righteousness of God and it is God’s goodness that turns us to repentance (Jm 1:20; Rm 2:4). If we take this approach, we make room for the Lord to deal with the erring brother/sister. Finally, we then must always be ready to receive those who have sinned against us, Christ, and the church, the moment they have repented and turned from their sinful ways, back into fellowship. Let us always be careful to treat them with love and kindness, regardless of their actions, and not simply discard them; so that when they do repent and turn back to Christ we do not leave them outside of fellowship where Satan will use it as an advantage over us (2 Cor 2:3-11).

Jesus died for us, even though we committed great offenses against Him and is always ready to forgive us. He extends an invitation to you today to accept His free gift of salvation (Rom 6:23). Will you accept it? Anyone who calls on Jesus in repentance, confessing their sins, will receive eternal life. Do not put off calling on Him, and receive Him and His free gift of salvation today (Rom 10:13).