Verse of the day: Matthew 18:15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go
and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have
gained your brother.
Conflict resolution, in my opinion and observation, is
one of the most under-developed skills within the church. Sadly, as God’s
children, we should be the living example for others on how to resolve
differences amongst ourselves. Too often I see born again believers who do not
talk to each other and act like they are enemies. I see Christians who gossip
about what they allege another brother/sister in Christ has done to them. There
have even been Christians who have gone to the world to help them resolve their
differences by suing one another, which the Apostle Paul says is to our shame
(1 Cor 6:1-7). All of this is done with absolutely no thought for how that will
reflect on Christ, the church, and Christianity. Here in the Book of Matthew,
Jesus gives clear instruction on what steps are to be taken when we are
offended by another Christian. Note that the first couple of steps can be taken
to resolve an issue with an unsaved person, as far as approaching privately and
maybe bringing a third party into the situation to find resolution, but know
that with the unsaved we may have to, for Christ’s sake and the sake of our
testimony, just let the offense go, forgive, and move on. Nonetheless, the
instructions given by Jesus are to be practiced amongst God’s people, first and
foremost, because God does not want to see division within the Body of Christ
(Eph 4; Phil 2). With that said, should we be offended by the words or deeds of
a fellow brother/sister in Christ, our first responsibility is to seek unity in
the body, and therefore, regardless of the fact that we are not the offender,
we are to seek peace between us and the person that offended us. Too often, we
refuse, because of our own pride, to go to the offender and justify our refusal
by putting the responsibility to reconcile and apologize on the person who
offended on the basis that they caused the offense. The devils will certainly
use this approach to bring division amongst God’s people; and although that
Word of God also admonishes the offender to make things right with those they
offend (Mt 5:23-24), we are all called to be at peace, as much as lies within
us, with others, both saved and unsaved (Rm 12:18). One of the first things,
however, that we are to ask ourselves is, “Was the offense against me a sinful
action?” In other words, did that person offend us by sinning against us or am
I just one of those people who picks on everything that other Christians do?
This is what I mean; there is a big difference between someone doing something that
is sinful vs. someone doing something that conflicts with my own convictions or
preference as a Christian. We must be careful that we not allow our convictions
and preferences to bring division within the body of Christ. Once we have
determined that the other person’s words or actions were truly sinful, we must then
stop and examine ourselves before making our approach. In doing this we give the
Lord the opportunity to deal with our hearts and bring us to the place where we
realize, and admit, that we too are not perfect, have our own faults, and have
offended others at some point with our own sinful behavior. This is all done so
that when we approach our brother/sister, we do so with humility, truly seeking
resolution and reconciliation, rather than seeking to make ourselves feel
better because we have appeased our own pride and ego (Gal 6:1-5). In taking
this approach we may find that what we thought was an intentional action or
word against us was in reality a simple misunderstanding. We may also find that
the person who offended us or sinned against us was not aware of the offense.
In taking this peaceful approach it also gives us the opportunity to help our
brother/sister turn from a sinful behavior and be reconciled not just to us,
but to Christ as well. Too often, in the name of love, we refuse to correct a
sinning brother/sister. However, to truly love as Christ loves does not mean
that we overlook or downplay another’s sins. In love we are to seek to correct
them and help them turn from their sinful ways; failing to do so, when
appropriate, and when given the opportunity by the Lord, is to show a lack of
love toward our fellow Christian. The bottom line is that God has given us a
process to follow that will bring the greatest peace within the body, as long
as we do not allow our own pride and ego to get in the way of what we should do
in humility. Tomorrow we will look at what steps to take if we are met with
resistance by the brother/sister who has sinned against us.
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